Unspoken Shackles: Unveiling the Culture of Silence
By Edoamaowo Udeme
On April 8, 2022, Nigeria was jolted by the tragic news of the death of a renowned gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who fell victim to domestic violence at the hands of her husband. He not only physically abused her, but also constrained her career, isolating her from her loved ones. Despite all this, Osinachi never told her family or friends of the psychological and physical abuse. Any of her friends who knew of the beatings were sworn into silence. It is only when she died that they came out and talked about the beatings. Her story, though extreme, reflects a deeply ingrained societal issue that compels many Nigerian women to endure silently abusive marriages.
In Nyanya, Nasarawa State, Abigail Williams, 54, faced a similar ordeal when she stumbled upon her husband and eldest daughter in a compromising situation. Instead of remorse, her husband imposed demeaning terms, forcing her to relinquish the only bedroom in the house to their daughter who shares it with him. Angela has been confined to the living room where she sleeps with their other children. Shockingly, her daughter, influenced by her father, now controls the household, dictating meals, and kitchen access, and has become for all intents and purposes, her father’s spouse. She also decides which, when and how each of her siblings will have access to their father.
Amidst these distressing circumstances, Angela, struggling with her husband’s abuse and incestuous relationship with their daughter, turned to his family for help only to be met with indifference. Her husband’s position as an elder in the church shielded him from repercussions, leaving her with no recourse. A church elder blamed her for the incest, claiming that she was not prayerful enough. Fearful of the consequences of seeking help including having her and her other children going hungry and being dismissed from school for lack of school fees, she silently endured the violence for three harrowing years. Neighbours who were aware have begged her to report them but she refused. She still lives with them.
Ivie Imobhio, a mother of three is a GBV survivor who nearly lost her legs when her ex-husband attacked her with a wheel spanner. She sheds light on the complex reasons that shroud domestic abuse in silence. “Fear of the unknown, lack of self-confidence, fear, financial instability, family pressure, Culture, religion and fear of the backlash, if a woman is not strong, it can be hard to leave,” Ivie says.
“In my case, I left my abuser but he stalked me, found me and attacked me. He almost crippled me. Every time he would assault me I would leave but my dad would order me back telling me it would bring shame to our family. There was also backlash from some of my friends, women like me, who were in similar circumstances but who were saying I should stay and develop a thick skin. I made up my mind and decided to walk away from the marriage for the sake of my kids”.
Kuni Tyessi, an author and a journalist emphasised twisted interpretations of religious coerced women like her into submission preventing her from seeking help or leaving their abusive partners.
“Women are taught to submit no matter what and that also translates to accepting indiscipline from badly raised men. If they report or leave, they have dishonoured their family” says Kuni.
“The wife of the pastor/imam who gets beaten by the husband will never encourage abused women to speak out and will support such abuse with quotes from the Scriptures such as A wise woman builds her home while the foolish tears it apart with her own hands. Exposing the abusive man is considered foolishness and there’s no crime falling in love with wisdom”.
“Women are told that their second salvation is marriage and God hates divorce. They don’t remember that the covenant of life is superior to that of marriage and discrimination against divorcees and single mothers in religious circles is top-notch. The faint of heart can’t stand it. The stigma is loud and killing”.
Samuel Onyemachi echoing these sentiments, pinpoints religious doctrines, poverty, and societal stigmas as influential factors that bind women to abusive marriages. “In this part of the world, Religion is one reason most women in abusive relationships choose to remain with their abuser. Nigerians are very religious people. We believe that marriage especially for women should be ”until death do us part”. Religious groups in Nigeria do not believe anyone should walk out of a marriage no matter the circumstance. Good women are supposed to pray for change and not walk out”.
Christopher Oji says “Some spouses decide to keep mum and remain in abusive marriages because their families had opposed the union, but they refused to listen to their parents, that is why they remain in the marriage because of shame.”
Oji particularly underscores the societal ridicule faced by those who choose to leave. “People stigmatize people who leave a marriage or a relationship and see them as failures. Fear of the unknown, what people will say also forces many of the women into silence. Parents, friends and relatives should rally around such women instead of forcing them to stay in abusive relationships.”
Uju Kennedy-Ohanenye, the Nigerian Minister of Women Affairs, recently unveiled staggering figures of gender-based violence (GBV) in the country. Between September and October 3, 24,720 cases of GBV were reported across the 36 states and the FCT. Of these, 975 were fatal cases, and 1,505 cases were closed either at the court, community level, by family, religious/traditional leaders or by the survivors themselves due to fear and intimidation. 8,540 open cases were pending either at the police station or within the court system and only 306 cases had resulted in convictions and sentencing within the last four years nationwide.
Despite the alarming numbers, she highlighted the need for immediate and effective legal intervention and protection for victims. However, in the absence of robust support systems and shelters, women like Abigail Williams remain invisible in official records, their struggles silenced by the prevailing “Culture of Silence.”
“If women are sure that they will be protected, leaving abusive marriages would be easy but when there are no enabling environments like immediate shelters and empowerment, they would rather remain and “Die in Silence,” she says.
The poignant narratives of these women expose the complex amalgamation of socio-cultural, economic, and religious factors that perpetuate the quiet endurance of domestic abuse in Nigeria. Only through collective awareness, comprehensive legal protections, and accessible support systems can this insidious culture be dismantled, empowering women to break free from their shackles and find solace in a life free from violence and fear.
There are very few safe houses where survivors of GBV can get sanctuary. Most of these are run by non-governmental organisations which depend on funding from donors and well-wishers and are overwhelmed by the large number of battered women seeking their services. To end the culture of silence, the government coils learn from the Thuthuzela care center model and establish care centres where survivors can receive comprehensive support services including medical, legal, and counselling assistance. It has implemented the National Policy Framework for Women’s Empowerment and Gender Equality, which focuses on addressing gender-based violence through policy reform and the promotion of women’s rights.
In Nigeria, the Federal Government in 2021 had established Special GBV Courts in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) Abuja, to facilitate fast response to victims/survivors. One would have thought the special courts would be special for GBV but no, these same courts are used for several other court cases like the current political tussle after the elections. Worst still, the same judges that are neck deep in post-election issues are the ones assigned to sit and judge GBV cases.
The Nigerian government and UNDP EU-UN Spotlight initiative formally launched the National GBV Data Situation Room and Dashboard in November 2020 in Abuja. As of 2023, the dashboard showed 27,222 reported cases, with 1,118 fatalities and 369 convictions. With several fatalities and few convictions, it is therefore difficult for survivors to open up, the hard-to-reach areas and some rural areas are not aware of this, and even if they are aware, delayed justice causes them to stay silent and in constant fear of the perpetrators.
In 2020, Nigeria had established an initiative called ReportGBV, it is the National Gender-Based Violence dashboard of the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs to report on violence against women and girls in Nigeria.it is supported by the EU-UN Spotlight Initiative project. The Dashboard for Nigeria, driven bottom-up by communities, is an innovative central reporting and data visualization platform for real-time tracking of gender-based violence.
If the special courts are strictly special for GBV which is meant to grant Pro Bono cases to survivors, the chance of delayed justice that silences victims/survivors and emboldens perpetrators will drastically reduce and will be easily accessible to survivors but there is nothing “Special” about the Special Courts because it is besieged by political cases which attracts lots of money to the judges.
The federal government should completely separate the Special Courts from the regular court, assign Judges strictly for GBV cases and nothing else and ensure that there are temporary shelters for survivors as several of them remain with perpetrators because they have nowhere to run to.
This report is lending a voice to ending GBV in Nigeria.
