SGBV: Breaking the Culture of Silence

“At 24, I was raped by my pastor who said he wants to do deliverance for me, within 5 days from that day , I was gang raped by a group of thieves who nearly destroyed my body and people told me not to speak out, and when you tell them to keep quiet, do you understand the psychological trauma that they pass through?, I would have also been a victim of Uduak Frank Akpan, who recently raped, killed and buried Iniubong Umoren in Akwa Ibom State. He invited me for an interview, but because I did not have transport fare, I missed it, only God knows what would have happened to me too”

“We need to fight rape, I wonder how they have erection when they see you begging and crying for help, they are merciless. I propose total elimination to rapists because if they are jailed, they will still come back and cause more pain to the world. Your parents and guardians and Pastors would say don’t speak out so you will get married, I don’t care if I don’t marry but I must speak out and warn people out there. That is why I am speaking out” Dorothy added. Unlike Dorothy Edet, Grace (not real name) is 22, from South -South Nigeria. She has twins and the father of those children is no other than her biological father. Grace had those children late last year. With the death of her mother, she had assumed the role of a mother in the house but little dis she know that she would not only to keep the house, but compelled by her father to warm his bed. At 14, she was already his father’s “wife”. Her father has placed her on pills for years until it eventually failed and the result were the twins. Her father monitors her like a jealous boyfriend, follows her everywhere and gives her all she wants. Onlookers praise him for being the “best” father but he is doing this for a reason, just so the girl will not crack up and expose him.

Grace is scared, she wants to leave, she wants to run away but to where? If she opens up and tells people, how would she cope with stigmatization, blame and shame? For now, she has adopted the Culture of Silence. At the online Media Women Forum organized by a Publisher, Olori Janet Afolabi, a case was tabled of a father in the Northern Nigeria, who sleeps with his three daughters while the helpless wife begs the children to endure until they all gain admission to the higher institution and then, can escape. The wife who is the mother of the girls on the other hand, queried her husband who asked her why he would leave four “beautiful” women in his house to look elsewhere. These four women are ashamed to discuss this with anybody. On that forum, it was reported that rape was so rampant in the northern Nigeria to the point that it is treated as a family affair. they have all adopted the Culture of Silence.

In Lagos, a neighbor reported a case of a battered mother of four, the police got the man arrested but the same wife with wounds on her face pleased with the police to leave her husband alone. He has been severely abused over the years but has never reported her husband. She chose to endure so she adopted the Culture of Silence. Sexual and Gender based Violence became so bad that so bad that the Nigerian Minister of Women Affairs Paulen Tallen noted that out of reported cases, 1 out of 10 goes unreported” Here the “Culture of Silence” is applied. Tallen also noted that 2 million women and girls are sexually assaulted in Nigeria every year. Lemmy Ugheghe a renowned Journalist and Executive Director of an NGO known as  “Men Against Rape”  says “Survivors don’t speak up because of our very traditional and parochial consideration, people stigmatize instead of empathizing the survivors, because of that, other survivors are scared of coming out because they saw how the other person that came out got stigmatized, but I will reiterate here that survivors are not silent but are silenced by our inaction, our insensitivity, our lack of empathy and of course, the tyrannical conspiracy of tradition”

“There must be Community engagement, sustained advocacy and enlightenment, we must continue that way to enable people see things differently, remember that after all say d and done, we were brought up in a patriarchal society, the values for both men and women have been impacted with perceived issue of our going forward, so we have to go and unlearn” In the past it was noted that you invited the rapists to yourself through dressing, some will blame you for visiting the person or even entering his car, but now we have to unlearn it that even if the girl visits you or dresses shabbily, it is not an invitation to being raped”. We are working with Primary and Secondary school pupils to teach them that for the mere fact that a girl plays with you for a few days and stops playing the other days, does not give you entitlement to insist she plays with you again, if she resists, you should learn to appreciate how far she can go instead of using force, by the time that boy grows into a man, he will know that the issue of sex is too serious for him to joke with, let alone rape a woman”. Lemmy added. One thing is to leave an abusive relationship, another is to find a support system where the abused can feel comfortable enough to hide and not think of going back to her abuser (s), the question is, unlike some countries, do we have that in Nigeria?.

Another worrisome thing is the rate of prosecution and conviction. At the   Media Dialogue on ‘Ethical Reporting, media advocacy and solutions journalism’ to Eliminate Violence Against Women and Girls, the Desk Officer of Federal Capital Territory, Sexual and Gender Based Violence Response, Ngozi Ike, noted the slow pace of convictions of sex offenders by the judiciary. She pointed out that in FCT, only One Conviction has been secured Out Of 444 Cases of Sexual Offences. She said that establishment of special courts will definitely hasten trials as they usually linger for a long period of time. ” If a special court can be set up to preside over sexual and domestic violence cases, there will be justice for survivors”. If the victims of Sexual and Gender based Violence are sure of a good support system through justice, shelter and empowerment so that they can grow above stigmatization, blame and shame, they will be ready to speak up and break the Culture of Silence.